What a jerk!

Hello all.

I’m really quite upset today so I hope you’ll forgive me if I use today’s blog for a bit of a rant.

I’d been talking to a boy quite a bit recently online. He’s local, cute and dated tgirls before so was ticking all the boxes. He’d seen me on cam as a boy and a girl and was ok with that, even going as far as to tell me not to worry as he liked guys too. I was looking really rough the first time I went on cam as a boy so to hear this from him was a real encouragement.

I’ve recently got my own place and so I decided to invite him over and he agreed! I was so excited and we set a date for Friday and spoke a few times before then. I was a little concerned as he seemed a little insecure but hoped for the best.

On the Thursday we chatted and he agreed everything was fine and he was looking forward to it. I said I’d meet him as a boy at the station – I could have gone as a girl but I didn’t want to bring him back here and then him to wake up with an ugly boy in the morning. He asked to see me on cam and I agreed.

I never make the best boi but I didn’t look to bad as we chatted. He had time to have a good look at me and was still happy about coming which was a relief! It was late so I told him I was going to go to bed but at that moment his MSN crashed so I hung around till he got back. It was still late so I said goodnight.

We’d swapped numbers previously and so in the afternoon I texted him to ask what time his train was. There was no reply. When I got home I phoned him. No reply. I texted him again and…you guessed it, no reply. I’d texted twice and rang once so by this point I was starting to wonder if he’d bail – after all, he had seemed a little insecure- and decided to ring again would have been too much.

After I had dinner he came on. Here are some of the highlight of our conversion0n:

jinxy says: heyas ^_^

Paul says: was it you txting me?

i didnt add ur number properly

jinxy says: yes it was

what time is your train?

Paul says: after last night i didnt think we were still going to

jinxy says:

after last night? why, what happened last night?

Paul says: because i was talking to u and u showed ur cam then it lost connection and when i came back u just wanted to go really quickly and i was like… oh.. right ok then…

then u just went really fast

because i hadnt finished talking to u

so i thought u dnt wanna now

jinxy says: i said i was going to bed

no, i want you to come over ^_^

Paul says:i wanted to still speak to u

jinxy says: well you can speak to me now ^_^

so you checked train times?

i texted you two hours ago to ask what time your train was, that should have been a hint ^_^

Paul says: well ive not seen it until now

i wanted to talk about it more last night but u just went

jinxy says: what is there to talk about?

Paul says: before i meet someone i like to talk to them more to make sure

So….starting to get a bit suspicious by now.  The fact that I’d said something last night to make him think I didn’t want to meet came as a real curve ball. Was he just looking for an excuse on why he didn’t want to come?

jinxy says:

we’ve spoken alot

Paul says: not really

Another warning sign! We have been chatting and he was happy before, now he’s trying to make out like we’ve just met. I could see where this was going.

jinxy says: if you’re not going to come just say please

Paul says: just dont rush it

jinxy says:it sounds very much like you’re trying hard to find excuses

i’m quite disapointed really

Paul says: that sounds abit pushy about it

i thought you told me i can come and stay any night

whats the rush to do it so soon

This is true, I did say he could come any time, but we’d made an arrangement so I’d like to start with that! If someone backs out once it doesn’t really encourage you to want to arrange a second meet.

jinxy says: you can

Paul says: its only 50 mins away

jinxy says: but you said you were going to come over

we decided on it

Paul says: yeah

jinxy says: and i was looking forward to it

The next bit is where it starts to get nasty

Paul says: i asked to see how you looked as a guy

soon as i saw u on cam i thought you looked really different from your pics where you have long hair

and then right after that u were like oh i going now

and then went

Now things are starting to become clearer. But notice, he’s still trying to put the onus on me, trying to make out that he thought *I* didn’t want to meet him any more.

Paul says:

u shouldnt rush off to bed

when i was trying to talk to u

jinxy says:

i’m actually quite upset

Paul says:

think what u like

but you shouldnt just go

when i was talking ot u

when i saw u

u didnt look anything like ur pics

so i was abit unsure…

then u rushing off didnt help

Now it’s my fault for rushing off when he wanted to talk, but he didn’t try and stop me and, given the fact he’d seen me previously and agreed to meet me I had no reason to suspect I was leaving a conversation unfinished.

Also I’m starting to feel some of his comments a little hurtful. For someone who claimed he was understanding of tgirls and seen me on cam and a guy and a girl he should have known that I might have looked a little different to my pictures. But still, I’d never lied about who I was, I told him I wasn’t happy with how I looked and he’d been understanding. Plus, he’d seen me on cam so he should have had a decent idea of how I looked regularly.

jinxy says:

you’ve seen me before

and i’ve told you i don’t make a cute boy

Paul says:

u still looked differnt than i rememberd

jinxy says:

and you’ve seen me as a girl

Paul says:

im always nervous meeting new people

jinxy says:

then you shouldn’t agree to meet somone if you’re not sure

please see it from my perspective

Paul says:

i said that after seeing ur pics as a girl

but then u look totally different

So now he’s forgotten how I looked? Well fine, but I stand by my point. If you don’t feel ready to meet someone then don’t tell them you’ll meet them. Or at least have the decency to text in advance to let them know not to expect you. I cleaned and tidied my little flat for this guy! Now he’s starting to suggest I was trying to mislead him!

jinxy says:

so basically, you’ve seen me as a boy and you don’t want to meet me

Paul says:

i was abit unsure

jinxy says:

fair enough, i wish you’d said that when you’d seen me as a boy before

Paul says:

but u rushed off

i dont know

its like i talking to 2 different people

Is that being horrible or just being insensitive? Surly one of the worst things you can say to a transgendered girl is that they’re like two different people! I don’t play a role, I’m myself, and I’m open and honest about that at all times. It get’s worse:

Paul says:

you pretend to be someone else then when i see you

It’s now gone full circle from ‘I thought you didn’t want to meet me’ to ‘you were pretending to be someone you’re not.’

jinxy says:

you’ve been leading *me* on

you told me you were coming

Paul says:

and i said i can come any night

i asked last night and u said yes i can

so ur the one being rushing and not wanna wait…

you just make me feel presured into it

Another excuse, I pressured him! I’d asked him earlier in the week, i’d asked him the night before, everything was ok. He didn’t feel pressure then until the actual day when suddenly he needed an excuse not to come! Quick, any one will do! I told him I thought he was being a jerk to which he replied:

Paul says: well your a pushy guy

jinxy says: and you are very hurtfull

Paul says: trying to force someone to come NOW right NOW!!! or not at all!!!!

What a jerk! I understand if things are too soon but you shouldn’t decide not to come without telling anyone. You shouldn’t agree to come and then back out at the last minute. And if you are insecure and scared and not brave enough to come and meet someone you certainly should try and blame them for it and make them feel terrible.

What a jerk!