Christmas Meal December 12, 2010

A month or so back the people from the local munch mooted the idea of going for a Christmas meal in one of the restaurants of my little town. I think they had done something similar previously but I had decided to sit it out as, while I don’t mind being out in public in places removed from home, I wasn’t too sure about going out on my own doorstep and running the risk of being recognised. Previously I’d passed reasonably well although I had caught a few telling comments (normally after I had spoken) but the idea of being told in a close environment  was a very different preposition.

I allowed myself however to be talked into going and told myself that it was an important step that I needed to take especially if I was wanting to be comfortable enough as a girl where I could go out without fear, or at least without care, of people outing me. The last couple of munches had seen us change venues from the private (and freezing) upstairs room of one pub to another which was a little more open (and a little more warmer) so I guess I was getting more used to being seen out and about in my little town.

The fact that we were going with a large group was also reassuring in that if anything did go wrong there were at least a dozen intimidating Dom/mes who would make sure I was looked after. Six also went out and bought an outfit for me to wear which looked really pretty. I do try and buy my own clothes and event bought a lovely coat at Primark recently (Christmas is such a good time for buying ‘presents’!) but I do have a habit of buying things I wished suited me or that fit my alternative look then what would blend in with mainstream.

Six picked out a very cute top for me that was sexy while at the same time working well to cover the less wonderful aspects of my figure. These worked very well with a pair of leggings and my everything boots (the boots I wear with everything!)  and the top was long enough that it covered my bottom but not the tops of my legs which looked really sexy.

When we arrived at the restaurant the place was really busy with lots of other people having chosen to have their Christmas meals there. Our table was on the far side of a crowded bar and I was very shy about pushing my way past people at such close quarters but one of the guys kindly took me by the hand and led me through. I was able to find a corner at the bottom of the table a little out of the way which suited me well.

The meal itself was a bit of a rip off but it was enjoyable enough and as far as I’m aware I didn’t get told dispute having to push my way past many people at close quarters.  All my friends were very encouraging and I think I need to start believing them. Part of my problem is I always think that any time someone looks at me they’re telling me and so I imidiately look away and avoid eye contact so that this doesn’t happen. However, people always look at people, and then they look away and my evasiveness only draws attention to any perceived differences.

Anyway, the part was a definite step forward and I am certainly gaining confidence little be little. After the meal we went back to six’s for the afterparty. That, however, I think will have to wait for another blog.

How do you tell your new gf that you’re tg? November 12, 2010

I seem to have found myself suddenly going out with a girl.

This in itself is not a problem. I like girls. Girls are nice. However at the time we got together she didn’t have the foggiest idea about who I was deep down.

I recently met this girl in church (yes, I appreciate how strange that may sound coming from a self-confessed tg bondage kitten but I shall save that discussion for another day) and we started hanging out. We had a lot of shared interest, although I’m fairly confident that I at least have some interest that she perhaps does not share. I started hanging out at her flat and cooked her a few meals, afterwards curling up on her couch and watching some films by one of my favourite Japanese directors, Hayao Miyazaki, who she also loves.

Anyway, one thing led to another and we kissed.

I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this. Like I said, I like girls. But could she like me if she knew me? Should I tell her or should I try and hide those things?

I’m generally an open and honest person. In face, if I was not back living in the town where I’d grown up I’d probably be more open about my alternative interests. When I lived in Japan all my closest friends knew I was TG and thats the way I liked it. However, being back home and around parents and old friends things were never so easy.

I found myself wondering if I should ignore this girl or not return her calls so that we would actually go out and I could carry on as before. The only problem is I found it was me who was texting her and popping over. I knew however that we could not go out unless I told her who I really was.

Now I said she was a Christian, but like me I think she’s at a point where we figure there is a God probably, and people in church are nice, but the two facts might not neccesarily be related. I guess you could say we’re both pretty liberal about our faiths. I figured that I would start small and work up. If I scared her off before I told her I was TG so be it.

Perhaps a little forwardly then, one of the first question I asked her when we were out on a romantic moonlit walk by the river was her thoughts on sex before marriage. Most of our Christian friends shun the idea of sex before marriage but I’ve always thought sex should be fun and if you save it for the person you’re meant to settle down with for life then you’re not getting the most out of what is surly a God-given gift? She revealed that she had in fact had sex – although it was before she became a Christian, but seemed quite happy with my idea that sex should be enjoyed. She felt it should be more savoured as a special occasion then a casual occourence which I could agree with.

With a sigh of relief I said that was one down – implying that there was more to follow. I quickly explained that I like her – I thought she was great – however I wasn’t sure if we’d known each other long enough to be really going out and didn’t want to rush into anything before she knew some things about me. If she didn’t like what she heard I was prepared to cut my losses and run, but there was no way I was going to hide too many secrets. That kind of approach has ways of coming back to bite you.

So I pressed on. If she wasn’t phased by the fact I’d had sex she might not be worried that I was effectively bi. I told her I didn’t believe in sexuality and had been with guys. She actually thought this was cute and asked if I’d had a boy friend! I think my ideas about gender and sexuality being social constructs appeal to many people so I was able to expand on this by telling her I didn’t believe gender was fixed either and this, of course, resulted in me revealing that I was transgender.

Again she took it well. As I look back now, I can’t for the life of me remember what she said exactly, so relieved was I that she didn’t reject me. She certainly wasn’t “yay my boyfriend is tg” but she did like the idea that we could now share clothes.

It’s still early days. I don’t want to make out that it’s all done and dusted and she’s accepted me with no qualms. We’ve still not know each other long and although I’ve told her I’m tg she’s no idea what I look like as a girl so the next step perhaps is to show her a photo and ideally some time soon have her over to my place to see me dressed in the flesh.

But it’s a good start. The beginning of the relationship is certainly the best place to mention the fact that you’re tg if you get half an oppertunity. So yeah, watch this space I guess.