December Munch/Service Switch? December 17, 2010

Still feeling a little hung over from the excretions of last night, but having had today off work and spending the entire morning curled up in my warm bed has made me start to feel a little better. I think I’ll update this blog while it’s still fresh as I have a terrible way of putting these things off and off. Not a good habit for an aspiring blogger!

Last night was the regular munch in my little town and as I’d taken the Friday off work I decided not only that would would go to Town House (a local venue that I’ll explain more about later) but I also decided that I might allow myself to get a little drunk too. Although, as I later realised I’d got a little drunk month and had forgotten about it. Wine will do that to me, and really, when they’re selling it for £5 a bottle how can you say no?

Perhaps the alcohol gave me the opportunity to play up a little bit and and made several comments that perhaps in a more sober frame of mind I would have kept to myself but I was happy for them to come out as I do like it when people have a bit of an idea about how slutty I can be. I’m almost nervous about admitting it on my blog but I guess it’s part of the process to accept these things within myself.

There were quite a lot of new people at the munch which was really cool. Normally I’m quite good at working my way around the table talking to new people, especially if there a similar age to myself, but I was a little reticent last night as one of my old school friends made his first apperence!

Fortunately I was expecting this familiar face as I’d seen him mention his interest on Fetlife, and had heard somewhere he was kinky previously, but I still spent most of the evening at the far side of the room trying to keep someones face or body between the two of us. At one point I was down his end of the room as some cake (for somone’s birthday) was passed out and he commented on my boots. I rattled off a quick thank you with a half turn before dashing down to the other end of the room!

Although it’s be the first cross over between my ‘other’ lives, I’m actually not overly concerned. I’m not going to stop going or try and similarly avoid him next time. In fact I’ve already dropped him a bit of an ice breaker on Fetlife to see if he can guess who I am. I think it was just a bit of a shock to jump out at someone and wasn’t sure how he would respond either. Still no answer from the Fetlife note but will see soon enough.

One of the other newbies was an American girl who was now living just around the corner from me. She’d been owned (and currently is owned) online but this was her first forey into the scene ‘IRL’. She was very cool and, as it turned out, was pretty much exactly the same size feet to me and damn close in dress size! In fact, I still have her boots as we did a swap and will have to return them next time we see each other.

I also lent her a skirt as after the munch we went across with a group to Town House International (or THI), a venue up the Wirral which is mostly a swingers club but has a weekly (or maybe monthly, not sure) fetish night. It was their Christmas party so the place was pretty full and it was a good chance to get some play.

I had managed to talk my new American friend into jumping in the deep end and although she was a little nervous she could tell that our little group were trust worthy and would look after her. We got chatting about roles and being submissive and I admitted that, while not Domme in anyway, I did like the idea of doing a bit of spanking knowing that the other person enjoyed the experience.

Without saying much more we soon found ourselves in one of the many upstairs rooms of the venue which had been converted into a play room with bed and St. Andrews cross. I had borrowed a small cricket bat (a toy really) and tried it out, my first time spanking anyone. I think I went a little too hard too soon and it was a learning experience of both of us. I wasn’t too sure if she was really enjoying the experience or if she was on edge. I made sure to check her regularly though and establishes a safe word which she used after about five minutes.

I felt a little bad, especially once I realised that I hadn’t warmed her up properly and had been going for pretty thumping smacks but she assured me I did ok and the main reason for wanting to stop was that the door had been open. As the venue is normally a swingers club many rooms have either windows or open doors and people will watch scenes going on. We’d picked up a couple of voyers which had possibly made her a little uncomfortable.

Any worries I had about having made her experience a bad one went before the end of the night however as we had another session later (this time with my bare hands) and I made sure to warm her up and to try and focus a little more on sensation place then actually causing pain. The fact that I was spanking her with my hand meant it was hurting me quite a bit too! After about 15 minutes or so I chose to end the session but it was clear that she enjoyed it and so I was very pleased. It was actually a very awesome session for my part too as she made some delightful little noises.

When we were talking later about how I felt completely sub but at the same time liked to give pleasure to others my friend said she’d head that kind of thing refereed to as a ‘service switch’ which I kind of liked. I think to call myself a Domme would be a little silly but a service switch I could live with.

I also got to have some play myself that night too, but on that one, sadly the door was closed and I don’t think I would wish to share that kind of thing publically just yet.

You can always try and mail me though.

Lulz FTW

Aimee

P.S Sorry that there are again no pics. I will try and take some for documentation next time but if you want pictures of me you’re always welcome to check out my Flickr (vanilla) page or my section on The Gentleman’s Relish (adult).

Christmas Meal December 12, 2010

A month or so back the people from the local munch mooted the idea of going for a Christmas meal in one of the restaurants of my little town. I think they had done something similar previously but I had decided to sit it out as, while I don’t mind being out in public in places removed from home, I wasn’t too sure about going out on my own doorstep and running the risk of being recognised. Previously I’d passed reasonably well although I had caught a few telling comments (normally after I had spoken) but the idea of being told in a close environment  was a very different preposition.

I allowed myself however to be talked into going and told myself that it was an important step that I needed to take especially if I was wanting to be comfortable enough as a girl where I could go out without fear, or at least without care, of people outing me. The last couple of munches had seen us change venues from the private (and freezing) upstairs room of one pub to another which was a little more open (and a little more warmer) so I guess I was getting more used to being seen out and about in my little town.

The fact that we were going with a large group was also reassuring in that if anything did go wrong there were at least a dozen intimidating Dom/mes who would make sure I was looked after. Six also went out and bought an outfit for me to wear which looked really pretty. I do try and buy my own clothes and event bought a lovely coat at Primark recently (Christmas is such a good time for buying ‘presents’!) but I do have a habit of buying things I wished suited me or that fit my alternative look then what would blend in with mainstream.

Six picked out a very cute top for me that was sexy while at the same time working well to cover the less wonderful aspects of my figure. These worked very well with a pair of leggings and my everything boots (the boots I wear with everything!)  and the top was long enough that it covered my bottom but not the tops of my legs which looked really sexy.

When we arrived at the restaurant the place was really busy with lots of other people having chosen to have their Christmas meals there. Our table was on the far side of a crowded bar and I was very shy about pushing my way past people at such close quarters but one of the guys kindly took me by the hand and led me through. I was able to find a corner at the bottom of the table a little out of the way which suited me well.

The meal itself was a bit of a rip off but it was enjoyable enough and as far as I’m aware I didn’t get told dispute having to push my way past many people at close quarters.  All my friends were very encouraging and I think I need to start believing them. Part of my problem is I always think that any time someone looks at me they’re telling me and so I imidiately look away and avoid eye contact so that this doesn’t happen. However, people always look at people, and then they look away and my evasiveness only draws attention to any perceived differences.

Anyway, the part was a definite step forward and I am certainly gaining confidence little be little. After the meal we went back to six’s for the afterparty. That, however, I think will have to wait for another blog.

How do you tell your new gf that you’re tg? November 12, 2010

I seem to have found myself suddenly going out with a girl.

This in itself is not a problem. I like girls. Girls are nice. However at the time we got together she didn’t have the foggiest idea about who I was deep down.

I recently met this girl in church (yes, I appreciate how strange that may sound coming from a self-confessed tg bondage kitten but I shall save that discussion for another day) and we started hanging out. We had a lot of shared interest, although I’m fairly confident that I at least have some interest that she perhaps does not share. I started hanging out at her flat and cooked her a few meals, afterwards curling up on her couch and watching some films by one of my favourite Japanese directors, Hayao Miyazaki, who she also loves.

Anyway, one thing led to another and we kissed.

I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this. Like I said, I like girls. But could she like me if she knew me? Should I tell her or should I try and hide those things?

I’m generally an open and honest person. In face, if I was not back living in the town where I’d grown up I’d probably be more open about my alternative interests. When I lived in Japan all my closest friends knew I was TG and thats the way I liked it. However, being back home and around parents and old friends things were never so easy.

I found myself wondering if I should ignore this girl or not return her calls so that we would actually go out and I could carry on as before. The only problem is I found it was me who was texting her and popping over. I knew however that we could not go out unless I told her who I really was.

Now I said she was a Christian, but like me I think she’s at a point where we figure there is a God probably, and people in church are nice, but the two facts might not neccesarily be related. I guess you could say we’re both pretty liberal about our faiths. I figured that I would start small and work up. If I scared her off before I told her I was TG so be it.

Perhaps a little forwardly then, one of the first question I asked her when we were out on a romantic moonlit walk by the river was her thoughts on sex before marriage. Most of our Christian friends shun the idea of sex before marriage but I’ve always thought sex should be fun and if you save it for the person you’re meant to settle down with for life then you’re not getting the most out of what is surly a God-given gift? She revealed that she had in fact had sex – although it was before she became a Christian, but seemed quite happy with my idea that sex should be enjoyed. She felt it should be more savoured as a special occasion then a casual occourence which I could agree with.

With a sigh of relief I said that was one down – implying that there was more to follow. I quickly explained that I like her – I thought she was great – however I wasn’t sure if we’d known each other long enough to be really going out and didn’t want to rush into anything before she knew some things about me. If she didn’t like what she heard I was prepared to cut my losses and run, but there was no way I was going to hide too many secrets. That kind of approach has ways of coming back to bite you.

So I pressed on. If she wasn’t phased by the fact I’d had sex she might not be worried that I was effectively bi. I told her I didn’t believe in sexuality and had been with guys. She actually thought this was cute and asked if I’d had a boy friend! I think my ideas about gender and sexuality being social constructs appeal to many people so I was able to expand on this by telling her I didn’t believe gender was fixed either and this, of course, resulted in me revealing that I was transgender.

Again she took it well. As I look back now, I can’t for the life of me remember what she said exactly, so relieved was I that she didn’t reject me. She certainly wasn’t “yay my boyfriend is tg” but she did like the idea that we could now share clothes.

It’s still early days. I don’t want to make out that it’s all done and dusted and she’s accepted me with no qualms. We’ve still not know each other long and although I’ve told her I’m tg she’s no idea what I look like as a girl so the next step perhaps is to show her a photo and ideally some time soon have her over to my place to see me dressed in the flesh.

But it’s a good start. The beginning of the relationship is certainly the best place to mention the fact that you’re tg if you get half an oppertunity. So yeah, watch this space I guess.

Latest Adventures October 10, 2010

It’s been a little over a month since my last post so I guess the headline news is that I am now the proud owner of a tiny little flat! The place is small, the rent is astronomical but it’s mine, all mine!

I’m just an mile and a half down the road from my ‘rents so I guess some people (who don’t know I’m a tgirl) might wonder what is the point of me moving out when I could live at home and save some money. While this does make sense on one level I am *so* glad to have my own space! Not only because I can dress up, much around and have fun at home but because I can come and go as I please without having to answer to anyone.

Don’t get me wrong, my parents weren’t giving me the Spanish Inquisition every time I stepped out of the door but I didn’t feel I could just go out with no explanation as it looked very suspicious. I am, as ever, close to my parents, but now there is a bit of distance which gives *a lot* more freedom.

I’ve been making the most of this new found flexibility and taking pretty much every chance I can to get out and about. Last Sunday I went to the Llandudno  munch and got to meet a few new people as well as experience a different setting as a girl. The only way I’ll ever get confident about being a girl out and about (assuming that’s what I want) is be building up the experience.

I’m getting more confident about going out although I still have a long way to go. One of my closest tgirl friends invited me for a drink during the week in Manchester. We’d not met before so I was a little shy about her seeing me in drab for the first time but there is no way I’m hopping on a train by myself – at least not just yet.

I could, and probably will, write a whole post about meeting Melissa. We talked about so many t-related topics and she is a case study in herself of a successful and gorgeous TS. It is a sad fact that in the world we live in there are far too many tgirl who seem messed up in one way or another that it’s lovely to meet one who is living her life fully.

I can only aspire to be like that, but for now I know I have to take baby-steps to build my confidence. The local munch is planning their Christmas meal and as it’s going to be in my little town at first I said that I wasn’t able to go. The fear of being in a closed environment and being told as a tgirl petrifies me, especially when the person telling me could be someone I know! But six (my wonderful subbie mummy) has persuaded me that it’ll be an important step and that they’ll be enough people with my to make sure that no harm comes to me – at least not before the after party!

With these small steps in mind I did some shopping in Manchester yesterday, only the second time I’ve taken a train to get somewhere dressed and my first time buying something at a till in a main stream shop! (I had previously bought a wig dressed but that’s a little different as there is no way I can buy a wig without admitting I’m a tgirl.)

Six came with me (or I came with six) and we prowled around Primark finding filling a basket full of cute stuff. I bought three new pairs of shoes (some ugg-style boots, some ballet flats and a pair of girl trainers) a really cute skirt with ribbons and a bow, a matching top and some legging to go with them. I bought everything at the till and the girl didn’t bat an eye. Whether she knew or not is another question.

I think I generally pass reasonably well and considering I was hiding under a hat and wearing a coat and scarf it would perhaps be difficult to tell in passing. I know a few people at least did tell me, and each time I realised it was a difficult blow to take. Both times I think it was my voice that gave me away so perhaps if I keep my mouth shut no one would notice?

The first time we passed a couple on the street. I was talking away to six and as the passed I could her the guy whispering (quite loudly) to his girlfriend “that’s a guy, that’s a guy, that’s a guy, that’s a guy.” The second time was in Primark when I was again talking to six about some legging and I noticed some girls aged about twelve or thirteen just standing there laughing and whispering. I wish I’d been brave enough to have smiled at them but I just blushed and hid further under my hat.

Still, these things happen and it’s a measure of yourself how you deal with them. I was actually shocked when talking with Melissa that dispite being post-op, living and working full time as a girl and being down right gorgeous she always feels as if people are talking about her and can tell. I’m sure in her case they can’t but perhaps half of the people I think are telling me are not? I know I have to try and build my confidence but it is a little bit of a set back to know that it is such a challenge.

Please make comments on this post if you have had similar experiences or would like to share your own thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.