It’s been a little over a month since my last post so I guess the headline news is that I am now the proud owner of a tiny little flat! The place is small, the rent is astronomical but it’s mine, all mine!
I’m just an mile and a half down the road from my ‘rents so I guess some people (who don’t know I’m a tgirl) might wonder what is the point of me moving out when I could live at home and save some money. While this does make sense on one level I am *so* glad to have my own space! Not only because I can dress up, much around and have fun at home but because I can come and go as I please without having to answer to anyone.
Don’t get me wrong, my parents weren’t giving me the Spanish Inquisition every time I stepped out of the door but I didn’t feel I could just go out with no explanation as it looked very suspicious. I am, as ever, close to my parents, but now there is a bit of distance which gives *a lot* more freedom.
I’ve been making the most of this new found flexibility and taking pretty much every chance I can to get out and about. Last Sunday I went to the Llandudno munch and got to meet a few new people as well as experience a different setting as a girl. The only way I’ll ever get confident about being a girl out and about (assuming that’s what I want) is be building up the experience.
I’m getting more confident about going out although I still have a long way to go. One of my closest tgirl friends invited me for a drink during the week in Manchester. We’d not met before so I was a little shy about her seeing me in drab for the first time but there is no way I’m hopping on a train by myself – at least not just yet.
I could, and probably will, write a whole post about meeting Melissa. We talked about so many t-related topics and she is a case study in herself of a successful and gorgeous TS. It is a sad fact that in the world we live in there are far too many tgirl who seem messed up in one way or another that it’s lovely to meet one who is living her life fully.
I can only aspire to be like that, but for now I know I have to take baby-steps to build my confidence. The local munch is planning their Christmas meal and as it’s going to be in my little town at first I said that I wasn’t able to go. The fear of being in a closed environment and being told as a tgirl petrifies me, especially when the person telling me could be someone I know! But six (my wonderful subbie mummy) has persuaded me that it’ll be an important step and that they’ll be enough people with my to make sure that no harm comes to me – at least not before the after party!
With these small steps in mind I did some shopping in Manchester yesterday, only the second time I’ve taken a train to get somewhere dressed and my first time buying something at a till in a main stream shop! (I had previously bought a wig dressed but that’s a little different as there is no way I can buy a wig without admitting I’m a tgirl.)
Six came with me (or I came with six) and we prowled around Primark finding filling a basket full of cute stuff. I bought three new pairs of shoes (some ugg-style boots, some ballet flats and a pair of girl trainers) a really cute skirt with ribbons and a bow, a matching top and some legging to go with them. I bought everything at the till and the girl didn’t bat an eye. Whether she knew or not is another question.
I think I generally pass reasonably well and considering I was hiding under a hat and wearing a coat and scarf it would perhaps be difficult to tell in passing. I know a few people at least did tell me, and each time I realised it was a difficult blow to take. Both times I think it was my voice that gave me away so perhaps if I keep my mouth shut no one would notice?
The first time we passed a couple on the street. I was talking away to six and as the passed I could her the guy whispering (quite loudly) to his girlfriend “that’s a guy, that’s a guy, that’s a guy, that’s a guy.” The second time was in Primark when I was again talking to six about some legging and I noticed some girls aged about twelve or thirteen just standing there laughing and whispering. I wish I’d been brave enough to have smiled at them but I just blushed and hid further under my hat.
Still, these things happen and it’s a measure of yourself how you deal with them. I was actually shocked when talking with Melissa that dispite being post-op, living and working full time as a girl and being down right gorgeous she always feels as if people are talking about her and can tell. I’m sure in her case they can’t but perhaps half of the people I think are telling me are not? I know I have to try and build my confidence but it is a little bit of a set back to know that it is such a challenge.
Please make comments on this post if you have had similar experiences or would like to share your own thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.
Aimee Piper's Blog 